My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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