one two three fourrrrnication!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
