its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
