Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize