if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
