She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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