It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
