i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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