And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
