I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
