living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
