Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
