Everything about him screamed your future.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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