Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize