The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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