He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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