if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
