sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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