just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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