Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
