Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
