I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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