My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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