Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
