I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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