If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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