trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
