There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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