I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
