Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
