I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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