used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think i have two assholes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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