Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the raccoons are back...
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