No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
