so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
