Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
