fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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