the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
