if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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