my sisters under your porch take her home
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
