My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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