does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
