Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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