Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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