I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
