Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
