It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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