2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
