I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
