Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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