ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
