im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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