Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
