You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.