I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.