Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone