she woke up with a sticky ear
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.