did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped