you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual