He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
lol hangovers are for mortals.