giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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