went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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