i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize