Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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